Floating Through Memories
by karone-sakura
Summary: What Kira and Athrun thought after the war ended and how it changed their lives. For the better or worse? Suicidal thoughts in each oneshot. Enjoy.
1. Part One OneShot

_**Floating Through Memories **_

_Summary: What Kira thought as he floated through space and what happened after. Oneshot_

_Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Seed. If I did Flay would have died a whole lot sooner._

It's amazing what one thinks about when on the verge of death. So many things left unsaid... So many tears not spent. How did I survive this long? Where am I? Its so beautiful! Why did Flay have to die? So much goes though ones mind...

Will I be able to see Athrun again? Will I see Lacus? Cagalli? Mirillia? Kuzzey? Murrue? Mu is dead... its my fault. I should have been there to protect the Archangel. Instead I'm here floating through space. Alive... I don't know the meaning of the word...

What is that? Is it the angels coming to take my soul? Or is it the demons coming to torture me back to life? No its just Cagalli and Athrun... Why did they come? I just want to die damnit! Why can't my life just end now? Why must I endure this pain?

Athrun... Cagalli... Why are you crying? Are you really that happy to see me? Athrun... You tried to kill me once... And I tried to kill you... How can we still be friends? Tori? What are you doing out here in the middle of space? Don't tell me you brought Cagalli and Athrun to me...

I can feel my conscious slipping... Death is drawing near. I don't want to die! I want to see Lacus. I don't want to break my promise. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to live in peace! That's all I ever asked for. Maybe I do want death. It is the ultimate release. I can feel the darkness coming for me. Hello Tori my faithful friend. Take care of everyone for me.

No wait I have to fight this! My friends deserve the chance to yell at me for my stupidity. No I can't die yet. Just a little closer. My tears... They won't stop falling. Why won't they stop falling? They always used to say I was a crybaby... There right. They have always been right. Here comes Athrun.

I turn my head away from them as the last of my strength gives out. A person only has so much will power. I can hear them... feel them... calling my name. I'm still here! Help me please! I don't want to die yet! Why can't you hear me?

This reminds of the time not to long ago... Waking up after finding out about my dark past. How I'm some freak of nature. Just like the kids at school used to call me... Why couldn't I have died with my brother and sisters? Why can't Cagalli let me go?

I can hear Lacus sobbing over me. Is this the end? Is this what I have been fighting for? Do I want to live the rest of my life with Lacus? Should I just run away? Maybe I should... Maybe it would ease the pain.

"You're a coward..." Who is that? Oh yeah that's the pilot of the Duel. He used to call me a coward a lot. If only you knew... Mir I'm sorry but I don't think I can last much longer. You are a true friend. Sai I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you. Kuzzey may you live your life to its fullest. Lacus... My dear Lacus... Please try to forget me. Athrun take care of everyone. You were always the strongest. Cagalli do try to stay out of trouble. Everyone else... I hope you live your lives well.

Flay... I will see you soon. I may not love you anymore but you take up a large portion of my soul. Please forgive me for dying so cowardly.

My eyes flutter open. I look up at a sad Lacus. I feel my heart break all over again. I'm sorry Lacus... I'm sorry Athrun... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I turn away from her. I find myself on the Archangel and we're on earth. Later that day I manage to get away. I'm sorry... I hope my note will find you guys... I hope you can forgive me for leaving like this.

Dear Athrun Zala,

I'm sorry Athrun but I can't stay. It hurts to much to breathe... To think... To be on the same ship with all of you. We have committed many sins to which I can't live with. Please take care of everyone. Please give Tori to Cagalli. Where I am going he cannot follow.

I plan to live the rest of my life in exile. Please do not try to find me. I love you all very much. Please tell everyone how sorry I am and tell Lacus I love her. Best wishes to you.

Your Friend,

Kira Yamato

Tori flew its letter to a startled Athrun. After reading its message Athrun runs to Kira's room to find him gone. Falling to his knees he weeps openly. He informs everyone of what Kira had told him. Cagalli started to swear up and down the bridge as everyone sat in a shocked silence. Lacus silently cried. Oh how she wished to be with him...

Everyone looked around at each other before going back to there duties. A group of young people stood together to face there grief together. Kira was never found... They tried to find him but he had vanished under the night sky. So long Kira Yamato. May you find peace in your life.

Kira looked up at the stars and thought of his friends with a fond smile before turning and walking down the road again. Never to be seen or heard from again... Until his grief took him from the world a year later. He left a note for his friends to find. He knew they would catch up. It was his suicide note after all. He had written it a year ago when he said goodbye to his friends. Knowing it was foolhardy of him to do such a thing.

No longer a burden...

No longer has care...

A breath of an angel...

Flowing through your hair.

Kira watch's over you.

The End

(A/N I hope you find this enlightening and like nothing you have read before. If it is I'm sorry I did not do it on purpose. Please let me know and don't report me. Please review. Thank you and good night!

Karone.

PS I know most of this fic is random. I just showed you what I thought was in his head. Thoughts are chaotic and are usually not in sentences. If they are for you more power to ya. The thoughts are usually incomplete. They jump around a lot. Or at least mine does. Oh and I changed the ending from the show. I hope you enjoy. Thank you.)


	2. Part Two OneShot

_**Floating Through Memories**_

_Summary: What Kira thought as he floated through space and what happened after. Oneshot_ _Suicidal thoughts in the second Oneshot._

_Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Seed. If I did Flay would have died a whole lot sooner._

_A/N This is part two. Someone said that they would have liked me to continue. Well this is another short oneshot. This is all Kira and its right after he left his friends. I hope you like it._

_Karone_

They can't find me... I won't let them. I'm wasting away and I will not let them see me like this. They deserve the chance to move on with there lives. I don't want them to worry... About a stupid murderer. I never wanted this to happen. I just wanted to protect my friends!

But that was what everyone was doing... Protecting friends... Family... Their homes...

My friends... They don't understand me. They never could. I'm some freak of nature. I should have died at birth. What would have happened to them if I had not been born? Would they have died? What about the Archangel? I'm so confused.

I walk an unfamiliar path. I glance down an alleyway wishing that someone would jump out and end my life. I wish that car heading towards me would swerve and hit me on accident. I wish a building would collapse on my worthless life.

I glance at different possible deaths as I continue to walk away. I promised myself as I snuck off of the Archangel that I would try to find life on earth. If I am able to live life for one year then I would go back to my friends. Until that day I would not try to kill myself.

I just want to die... To fall asleep and never wake up. That's how I spent that one long year. Trying to fit in but finding I had changed too much... I can't live on...

How to die though? Should it be painful? Or painless? Should I let my friends find my body? Or should I make it disappear? Should I die by poison? By dagger? By gun? Should I light myself aflame?

I sit here in my apartment... I don't know what to do. Lacus? How are you fairing? Do you miss me? Athrun buddy ol' pal. Do you still think of me? Cagalli... I bet you want to kill me right now. Maybe I should go to you instead of trying to think of how I want to die.

Dear everyone,

If you have found this note then it means I'm gone. I promised myself if I could last one year... Build a life for myself and whatever it is to feel alive again then I would come back to you. As it were I decided I can't live anymore. It hurts too much. I'm so sorry...

I left my body for you to find. I don't care where you bury me as long as I'm near the ocean. I can still hear the waves crashing on the sand. What a wonderful sound...

If you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for cowardly taking my own life. I could not help it. I just don't have the will to live anymore. I love you all so very much but not even that can save me from the depression I have brought myself into... I will be watching over you all... always...

Love,

Kira Yamato

_No longer a burden... _

_No longer has care... _

_A breath of an angel... _

_Flowing through your hair. _

_Kira watch's over you._

I have decided... I will take my life in a painless... non-bloody way. Poison. I drank to the last drop as my friends break the door down. They won't be able to save me. I'm too far gone. I can feel there grief as Athrun hold's onto my hand and says I'm not alone. I was never alone... I see that now...

I DON'T WANT TO DIE! And yet by my hand I have done so. I'm so sorry guys... I didn't see that all I needed was you. I'm sorry... I have ended my own life. I will watch over you now. Please forgive me...

"Athrun... forgive me." Darkness clouds my vision as he looks down at me.

"I forgive you Kira. Rest in peace my friend. We will be joining you soon..." Athrun whispers as I draw my last breath.

Darkness takes over and I die sadly... Cursing myself to oblivion that I had ended my own life.

The End

A/N There you go. Now you know why it took him a year to kill himself. Thank you for the reviews in the first half of the Oneshot.


	3. Athrun's OneShot

_**Floating Through Memories**_

_Summary: What Kira and Athrun thought after the war ended and how it changed their lives. For the better or worse? Suicidal thoughts in each oneshot. Enjoy._

_Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Seed. If I did Flay would have died a whole lot sooner._

_A/N These are several short oneshot stories. As I reread part two I thought about poor Athrun and what was going through his head. Then I thought about what he last said to Kira. "We will be joining you soon..." Was he just saying that? Or were they all planning to take their own lives? _

_This short oneshot is from Athrun's point of view. To show what some of the others thought and felt. This is going back to when they were in space up until the point where Kira died. More tragedy and angst coming your way. Athrun suicidal?_

_Karone_

Kira... Are you alive? If you are not then I will be joining you soon. I live for Cagalli but you are always in my heart. My one true friend who was there to show me the way. You helped me see past my fathers lies... If you die then it was for nought... This life... is unbearable. Please be alive.

I can hear Cagalli crying next to me. I can see Kira's tears as he opens his eyes to look at us. So much pain and sadness shine from those eyes... I wish I could take away that pain but I have to much of my own. I have killed so many... Just like you. I have seen many killed... I don't know what to do with myself.

I need your kindness. You hold me to this world.

I reach out for your hand. Your still alive but you have many injures. Why? Why must we endure this pain? Why can't we be how we once were? I wish I could see your innocence once more... Nothing... I feel nothing... I am nothing... How can Cagalli love me? Or even like me?

I watch over Kira as he sleeps. He wakes up only once and swiftly went back to sleep as if hoping against hope that he could just die. I saw it in his eyes... He wants to die as much as I do. If not more. He was always like that... Always a crybaby... So much kindness...

I'm nothing like him. I kill without thinking. Yet... He makes me think... Think things I have never thought of before. Such sadness... And now you are gone. Up and left in the middle of the night. Why Kira? Why run from us? We have all committed the same sins!

I don't want you to be gone... Come back to us Kira! We all miss you so much... All you left for us is Tori and a stupid letter. How can you think we wont try and find you? How can you think we don't want you around? WE ALL LOVE YOU KIRA! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

So why? Why does it hurt so much? Why did you leave? Why am I still here? Why did Cagalli save me? Save me from myself? Why didn't I just self-destruct? Why didn't I just die when I could have without being thought less of? If I die now people will think of me as a fool...

Yet... I don't want to die. I want to live. I don't know what I'm living for though... Kira's run off and Cagalli is depressed and trying to rule a nation. She needs me and yet I don't know how to help her... I don't know how to help myself either.

I guess I will try and find Kira. It will end everyone's pain right? Why Kira? Why did you run away? We miss you so much! You are apart of us and that part of us is starting to die! Does that mean your somewhere alone? Dying?

I am prepared to follow you... Cagalli... She doesn't mean much to me anymore. She lost the fire that drove her on. Now she just exists. Lacus... Still sings the song of peace. She ignores what's going on around her. She doesn't want to believe that you would leave her...

Your other friends seem to be somewhat used to this. They are all still sad. Especially Mirillia but Dearka is taking good care of her. I'm still looking for you Kira. Where are you? WHERE ARE YOU?

I've finally found you... You've been living on earth in an apartment building. It took me a year to find you but I did it. I have this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. What is it? Why is it there? Kira what have you done?

I call your name at your door and yet I hear no sound inside. I break down the door to find you on your side. I run to you Kira... Only to find something in your hand. Some kind of poison. You did it Kira... You wanted to die so badly...

Your eyes are wild with fear but I can see you losing that fire. Kira my friend... Why!

I found the note... That suicide letter... I can't live any longer either Kira... Its time to stop playing pretend. Cagalli sits in the background as you fight for breath.

"Athrun... forgive me." You whisper while trying to cling to life a bit longer.

"I forgive you Kira. Rest in peace my friend. We will be joining you soon..." I whisper back.

He draws in his last breath and dies right here before me... I can feel the pain in my heart grow stronger as I listen to Cagalli and Lacus cry behind me. When had Lacus gotten here? When will there be an end to these tears? Death... It's the only solution.

Girls I'm sorry... But I'm going with Kira. To the final resting place of all soldiers. Kira my friend... I will be joining you soon. I pull out my gun and with one click I'm gone. No time to regret... I'm just... gone.

The End

_A/N Another sad oneshot. I hope you all like it. Athrun's mind is more organized then Kira's. Wouldn't you say? He gave his life up... All he wanted to do was help Kira and he finds he can't help anyone._

_There is going to be one more I guess you could say... Chapter but its not a oneshot. It's a poem I wrote to express these same feelings in a different way. Its to sum up all three oneshots. Thank you for the reviews. Ciao for now._

_Karone_


	4. Floating Through Memories

_**Floating Through Memories**_

_Summary: What Kira and Athrun thought after the war ended and how it changed their lives. For the better or worse? Suicidal thoughts in each oneshot. Enjoy. Last Chapter is a poem._

_Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Seed. If I did Flay would have died a whole lot sooner._

_A/N This is a two part poem. One is of Athrun the other Kira but it is one poem. You will be able to tell the difference. I do hope you will like it. This concludes this... story. There is no more to write. However if I write another story like this I shall let you know._

_Karone_

_**Floating Through Memories**_

**_Athrun..._**

I watched you die...

You promised to watch over...

Yet I feel so empty...

As memories float by...

x-x-x

Tears have fallen...

Hugs held to last lifetimes...

Kira why did you do it?

Memories float by...

x-x-x

We ask ourselves why...

We have all sinned...

You just wanted to end your sad dreams...

Memories float by...

x-x-x

Now we can no longer live.

Our families destroyed long ago.

There is no reason to live.

Memories float by.

- - -

**_Kira..._**

The memories float by...

Trapping me in its embrace.

Reminding of the good and bad...

Things I want to erase.

x-x-x

_I'm gone..._

x-x-x

They trouble me no more...

As I watch each of you...

Taking his or her own life...

I won't be alone anymore.

x-x-x

_I'm gone..._

x-x-x

I'm watching from heavens gates.

Watching empty memories float by.

I am happy and free.

No longer living a lie.

x-x-x

_I'm gone..._

x-x-x

There is only love in my heart.

I will wait for you to join me.

Then we can enter together.

Into the beautiful light.

x-x-x

_We will be gone..._

x-x-x

No more sadness...

No more tears...

No more fighting...

We will be together... forever...

x-x-x

_Forever gone..._

_A/N Well I hoped you liked the poem. Thank you everyone for reading these short oneshots. If you have any questions you know where to find me! So I guess... Its time to say goodbye. Ciao everyone! See you in the next great fic!_

_Karone_


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